The Scene
The Square has all the understated elegance that you'd expect from a blue-blooded coffee shop - it's airy, spacious, done in sober pastels, and has poolside dining. Only, who came up with the waiters' attires?

A burger at The Square costs Rs. 350, so you don't have to worry about crowds. That, and that fact that it is located in a part of town that you wouldn't be visiting except on a weird excursion. So there's serenity unless someone is celebrating a birthday, and it's mostly people on business who you find inside. It's quite easy to feel envious if you are not in the league where your jaunts here get funded, but then, if you are here, probably you are in that league.

The huge French windows overlook a pool, and seating with sunshades there provides an attractive alternative to dining inside the restaurant - especially on a date. Service is predictively efficient and unobtrusive.

The Food
The Square has a global cuisine a la carte menu, and a rather extensive one at that, with about 75 dishes listed. It's primarily Indian, Oriental, Western and Continental, and, needless to say, obscenely expensive. If you are going a la carte, a meal for two can easily touch a couple of thousand rupees, and if you are adding something from the winelist to that, you can't not know what you are doing.

The menu is divided into soups/salads/appetizers, burgers/sandwiches/wraps, Oriental main course, Indian main course, Western main course, pasta, rice items, Indian breads, kebabs and desserts. There aren't too many choices under any of these, but alongside stock names like Tomato Soup, Malai Paneer Tikka, Paneer Makhani, Spaghetti Bolognaise, Bisi Bele Bath and the biryanis (veg Rs. 350, non-veg Rs. 480), you do find interesting ones such as Moringa Lentil Soup, Mumbai Chutney Sandwich (Rs. 325 - did you ever imagine you'd have one at that price?), Coq Au Vin (a pork dish) and Ham & Cheese Baguette.

The best way to dine at The Square if you have to pay for it is, of course, the buffets. Breakfast buffets cost Rs. 450 (6:30am-11am), lunch buffets Rs. 650 (12:30pm-3pm), dinner buffets Rs. 750 (6:30pm-11pm) and midnight buffets Rs. 444 (11:30pm-2am). The lunch and dinner buffets allow you to taste a wide range from bread rolls to papads/derivatives to live counters of Oriental food to biryani to pasta to over half-a-dozen dessert varieties aside of the main course, and are a good entry.

Like at all 5-star hotels, however, the Indian fare rates pretty sad at the Square. The chefs are paranoid about putting salt and spices into the items, and Gutthu Vankaya Kura perhaps never tasted as meaningless. The biryanis, the Mirchi Ka Salan and just about every curry bear sorry testimony to this. The lunch buffet lacks in starters too (usually even star hotels keep these spicy), making the deal for localites (as opposed to the firangs) particularly raw. And unfortunately, most of the main course in the buffet is Indian.

Did we forget something? That costs Rs. 17,500? A bottle of champagne perhaps? Yes, there's the winelist. 10 pages of it. Cocktails cost Rs. 375, mocktails Rs. 200, and shooters Rs. 400. And there are 7 special coffees, Rs. 425 each. A small question - how do they come up with the 25 in that? How do you so precisely price a cup of coffee at Rs. 425? Well, at least they didn't make it Rs. 424.95.

The Verdict
If you are looking to eat at The Square, you probably know what you are looking for, and they deliver. But if address doesn't completely overshadow palate for you, remember to ask for the salt and pepper shakers with your biryani.