Vishnu

Walking into the theater, I was hoping that this wouldn't be one of those run-of-the-mill star-son launch pads. You've seen one, you've seen 'em all - they're the ones that have scenes with shameless references to the other stars in the family. A beautiful lead but not so beautiful as to steal the thunder away from the "launchee". Shameless lyrics which tabulate all the super-abilities of the hero. Soon enough you start to think that this guy will surely win a Nobel Prize. Let's look at a typical day of one such guy, Vishnu:

07.00 AM Help children cross the road.

08.00 AM Save damsel in distress from lewd commenter.

09.00 AM Preach in class, to the delight of the professor.

11.00 AM Save damsel in distress from lewd commenter.

12.00 AM Study in the library, reject proposal from a hot babe.

01.00 PM Preach. Again.

03.00 PM Bash up all lewd commenters.

04.00 PM Hang out in mall.

05.00 PM Catch a thief, proceedings telecast live on TV.

06.00 PM Ruminate.

07.00 PM Party. Proceedings telecasted live on TV (unrelated to above telecast).

Sleep. Get Up. Repeat.

Honestly this is the story in a nutshell. Want the rest? Here goes.

14 years ago, Vishnu, age 5, fell in love with Vaishnavi. Age 5. They also had each other's names tattooed. Then they went and got each other separated. Even today Vishnu does not commit himself to another girl, hence the library rejections.

One day the girl walks in to his college and thus his life. Guess who her daddy is? Surprise, surprise! Mr. Most Feared Rayalseema Factionalist. Is our Vishnu perturbed? Does he win the lady? Can you predict an assembly line Telugu film? Watch Vishnu to find out!

This was the longest 3 hours of my life as cliché after cliché was repeated and re-repeated. Vishnu with his vulgarly gaudy clothes and ungraceful dancing stands out like a sore thumb, and his extreme lisp will leave you laughing your ass off. The noise they call music will have you crying. The knuckle-cracking before the action sequences goes on for so long, you begin to wonder if that's protocol.

A viewer noted, "One Sivanand heroine in Tollywood is enough. We don't want a carbon copy." Have to disagree - given their beauty we don't mind. The action sequences have references to pretty much all recent Hollywood action flicks. Crouching Tiger, The Matrix, The One and, of course, that old classic Rocky.

Now every film-lover will know that when you see doves on screen during an action sequence, it can only mean one man. John Woo. The joke's on everybody who still believes that.

So why does Vishnu get two stars? Simple answer: I loved his dad's work, so out of respect I give him this.

Why are people still watching this dud? Ditto.