Padaharella Vayasu

Padaharella Vayasu opens with a hot babe weeping on the bank of a river, and a baby joining it in the chorus. A voice in the background menacingly informs you that this happened because of an unwarranted but fully conscious act of haste. And the movie proceeds to tell you what that was.

The nubile, vulnerable 16-year-old Divya (Arya Vora) is crestfallen because all her friends wear fashionable clothes and have boyfriends who they make out with regularly. She decides that the only way to recruit a boyfriend would be to call up random people and find out if they're interested. When she tries a few numbers, she meets with no luck, mostly because of her rigorous standards - a guy would have to be at least as dumb as her in order for her to like him, and the reason the human race is still going on strong is because such people are extinct.

Extinct people is what she'll have to deal with in any case - the audiences of this film will all get finished by the time the movie ends. Anyway, Divya moves on with life - she steals money from home and sets out to become hip and find herself a boyfriend. She ends up getting chatty on the phone to a guy called Vasanth (Bhushan), who she thinks is really good-looking, though she's never even seen him.

They decide to meet, and Vasanth asks her to board a bus to Amberpet. However, at Amberpet bus stop, even before Vasanth can meet her, a manipulative crook called Seshu runs to Divya and introduces himself to her as Vasanth. It doesn't take much for her to believe him since she's already checked out his credentials - he says he's Vasanth, and he has a moustache that looks just like what she'd imagined.

In the second half, Seshu keeps faking demonstrations of kindheartedness and sensitivity, and Divya ends up sleeping with him. Slowly Seshu's true identity comes to the fore, and this coincides with Divya realizing she's pregnant. After Seshu knows his game's up, he runs away with all her valuables, but also apologizes for having stolen from her and agonized her in such a long-winded way. We, too, agree - he should have just showed her this movie.

Now the real Vasanth is going all out to trace Divya's whereabouts, and he finally finds her on the river shore. He sees the baby and then goes away after denying that he's Vasanth. We don't blame him - all those involved with this film will deny their real names for a while.

Padaharella Vayasu has nothing in it for you, irrespective of what you came for, which part of your family tree you're from, or whether you have a tail or not. The plot is ridiculous, the production values are low, there's no skin show, and if you're smart enough to count to more than 3, you'll surely find more reasons to stay away.

Surprisingly, the heroine is good-looking and talented. She could try and make it big. The other members of the cast are pretty hopeless. The seasoned comedians should get their parts edited out of this dud. Actually, everyone should, hopefully by the time this movie leaves the theatre.

Padaharella Vayasu is hardly a movie. And watching it won't turn it into one.