Kaash Aap Hamare Hote

The first thing that strikes you as the curtains unfurl on Kaash Aap Hamare Hote is Juhi Babbar and her striking similarity with papa Babbar, who, like you know, isn't even remotely feminine - she isn't, either. And the only reason you are seeing her is because b'Reason' was on a strike when papa Babbar thought that she would be the next big thing to hit the screen. Big she sure is. Anyway, we could rant about Juhi all through, but there are other things that deserve their due. We'll get back to her, though.

The storyline for the flick is barely bearable. It begins with Amrita (Juhi Babbar), Yashwant Rai's (Om Puri) protégé, getting married to his hedonist son Ranbeer (Sharad Kapoor) who stays in Canada. Obviously she isn't happily wed to Ranbeer for the staggeringly straightforward reason that there is 20 reels of hamming left, and so the relationship breaks up rather nastily. Enter Sonu Nigam.

If you agree that a square is not a triangle, then you must also agree that Sonu Nigam is not an actor. The only reason he could have ventured into acting is that Juhi is around and it would be a superhuman effort to get worse than her. Anyway, Sonu plays Jai Kumar, an employee with a millionaire mill-owner Dad played by Raj Babbar. Now it so happens that Amrita, dodging Ranbeer's goons, ends up at Jai's place, and the rest of the story is as unpredictable as a match between Australia and Bangladesh.

Technically the movie is very weak. There isn't a single notable feature about it. We have spoken enough about the Sonus and the Juhis, so let's get to the rest of the gang. Unfortunately, there aren't any good performances by the supporting cast either. Raj Babbar, as usual, has a perpetual peeved expression. Om Puri, again as usual, is wasted. Johnny Lever's high-decibel comedy falls flat, and Sharad Kapoor hardly has any screen time. I don't quite remember any music, and that I guess tells you about its quality.

There could be only two reasons you may want to take your Valentine to this movie: one, you've had enough of him/her and this is your way of saying ta ta; and two, you get all the privacy you need to cozy up with him/her. If it's the second, make sure you pick up cotton plugs for your ears lest they resonate with the echoes of an empty hall.